The worst physical pain I ever experienced occurred during my senior year in high school.

I had neglected intermittent tooth pain for weeks. A large cavity had carved a hole into a molar. I had forgotten about the bad tooth when I bit down on a hard food item in the school cafeteria. I felt a sudden high-voltage jolt, as if my mouth had been struck by lightning. Stabbing pain radiated into my jaw, neck and ear. Tears gushed out of me as I hurried to the principal’s office to call my dad.

I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the all-consuming pain. The only person I thought of other than myself was a dentist who could relieve the discomfort. Within a couple of hours, an injection and tooth repair ended the debilitating pain.

 

Self-Centeredness and Depression

Physical pain isn’t the only kind of discomfort that results in self-absorption.

When a depressive episode holds someone in its vise-like grip, the result is an intense, persistent inward focus marked by rumination. The despair breeds pessimism, exxagerates the impact of typical stressors and spawns a preoccupation with perceived faults and inadequacies. A severely depressed person spends an inordinate amount of energy trying to manage negative emotions and intrusive thoughts. When despondency strikes, even an outgoing personality is less sanguine.

My mind shifts to my regrets, my faults, my despair and my hopelessness.

 

A Ray of Light from My Experience

Only in recent years have I discovered what to do when I’m mired in an introverted, self-obsessed mindset.

I plead with God to bring someone else to mind who’s hurting or needy. I ask for the capacity to call, write or visit this person to encourage him.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

Wrong! 

The last thing I want to do is reach out to another person. I tell myself that nothing I say or do will uplift the spirit of someone else who’s hurting. I conclude, “Who am I to cheer someone else when I don’t even want to live?” A fierce battle rages in my mind. But when I beg the Lord to turn my focus outward, to use me somehow, He acts.

 

From Self-Centeredness to Service

As a way to shift the focus away from my plight, I occasionally wrrite letters to friends in ministry. Every sentence I write is hard labor. I don’t feel compassion for the person as I write, yet I keep pen on paper and tell what I appreciate about the person. I beg the Lord to give me words that will uplift the recipient.

I wrote a former student, the pastor of a rapidly growing congregation. Everything was seemingly going great for him. I wondered why God’s Spirit gave me his name. I cited postive traits I had seen in him and prayed within the letter for God’s continued blessings. A week later he replied, “What encouragement you gave me! You can’t imagine what a stressful week I was having.”

Once, while trapped in the fog of a deep depressive episode, I received an emergency phone call. It came a few weeks after I had started asking the Lord for others to encourage. The adult son of a friend said his dad was muttering about suicide due to setbacks in his business. Could I come and sit with him?

As I drove to his house, through tears I cried, “Lord, You have a great sense of humor–wanting me to serve and love someone who’s despondent!” Yet my presence injected optimism into my friend as we prayed, then brainstormed for ways to promote his small painting business.

 

God’s Strength in Weakness

During another bleak day, I whispered a plea to the Lord to give me the name of someone whose need exceeded mine. Moments later, the name of my dean at Columbia International University came to mind. His wife was in the last stages of cancer.

I sensed a strong leading of God’s Spirit: “Go to the hospital.”

I said aloud, “You’re kidding, Lord. Me?” My years on church staffs never included visitation of the sick. With the exception of my dad, I had never stood by the bed of a dying person. I pondered, “What in the world can I say to her and her husband?”

That’s when God’s Spirit reproved me, exposing my pride. I was focused on how I’d be perceived, not on comforting my friend and his wife. I once told my students that when they’re with someone who’s hurting, presence speaks louder than words. It was time to practice what I preached.

I asked the Lord for the right words. During the 10 minutes in her room, I held her hand and told her how her support enabled her husband’s extensive teaching and writing ministry. I thanked her for faithfulness as a wife and church volunteer. I read Psalm 46 aloud and prayed for God’s peace during her final days. I said, “I envy you. You get to see Jesus face to face before I do!” That brought a weak smile to her face as she gently sqeezed my hand. She entered the Lord’s presence a few days later.

What happened in the hospital room wasn’t natural for me. Christ enabled this weak, introverted man to serve another. He diverted my attention away from my affliction to hers.

 

Imperfect Servant

I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that I don’t always ask God to use me for others when I’m depressed. I don’t aways overcome the self-absorption. Even  when the Lord gives me a name, sometimes I don’t make the call, write the letter or visit the person. I’m too paralyzed by my pain to reach out.

Self-centeredness sometimes wins.

But not always.

Here’s one more caveat to my application of this strategy. When I follow through on God’s leading, the effort to comfort another doesn’t always arrest or alleviate my depression. Yet even then, I’m reassured I’ve used my time wisely and unselfishly.

I discover that 2 Corinthians12:9 rings true: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.”

Serving others is a way, at least temporarily, to walk from the darkness into the light.

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The strategy of handling depression by serving isn’t limited to outreach to an individual at a single point in time. God may want you to teach Sunday School, to serve on a church task force, take a short-term mission trip or serve the poor in your area through a relief agency. Depression doesn’t disqualify you from serving. Ironically, your personal pain may qualify you by softening your heart for others in need.

*Photo accompanying this post is by Roman Bulatov.