Please don’t miss this strategy for handling depression.
Ministry of Presence
Dolly had heard me mutter that I didn’t want to live. The hopelessness of depression had been accompanied by extreme anxiety and restlessness. My two preadolescent boys knew something was troubling their dad. Without my awareness, she asked Skip, a good friend, to intervene. He dropped by our house after dinner as I was reading the newspaper in my recliner. He said, “I hear you’ve had a few rough days. I don’t come with advice, but you need to know that I’m here for you. If you want to talk and pray, I’m available. But if you’d rather watch TV or keep reading the paper, know this: I’m not leaving your side for the next two hours!”
His concern prompted me to talk through my symptoms. He prayed fervently for me. His physical presence convinced me that someone cared.
A Type of 9-1-1 Call
Caught in the vise-grip of the longest, most debilitating depressive episode ever, after the church service I sat on the bed, grabbing my toes with each hand, rocking back and forth.
A threatening circumstance didn’t precipitate this despair, nor did a known sin generate it. Yet a high humidity in my heart sabotaged motivation. The angst of spirit was so strong that I couldn’t imagine surviving 10 hours until bedtime, when sleep would offer a temporary reprieve. It was as if I were in shock, unable to engage in tasks or hobbies that normally I found meaningful.
Dolly called Louise, a homebound older lady in our congregation whose body was riddled by pain. Yet she prayed long and hard for people. It was the only ministry her body enabled her to perform. Through tears, I told her how hopeless things seemed. I can’t remember precisely what she prayed (23 years have passed), but I recall how she prayed 10 minutes, loudly and boldly, for God’s intervention, for Him to relieve me of the desire to die.
The despondency didn’t suddenly lift, yet for the remainder of that day, a smidgen of hope penetrated the darkness of my spirit, sustaining me until I awoke Monday morning in a more peaceful mindset.
Ministry of Sympathy
Over lunch at the university where I taught, Howard saw my downcast countenance and the tears cascading down my cheeks, evidence of yet another descent into depression.
After I returned to my office, where I lay in a fetal position, he came by unexpectedly. He couldn’t concentrate on his office tasks due to his concern for me. He wept, saying, “I didn’t know what to say to you when you shared over lunch…and I don’t know what to say now to make it better, but I’m here.” After a brief silence, he prayed for me before returning to his work.
He gave me the gift of sympathy, which means he loved me enough to actually feel some of my pain. (The Greek term for sympathy employed in the New Testament meant, “to suffer with.”)
God’s Method of Incarnation
Those incidences occurred over a 14-year span. Their love and intervention convinced me that God hadn’t forgotten me, since He still meets some of our deepest needs through others in the body of Christ. Two of those anecdotes also reveal the love and wisdom of a spouse, who observed my despair and solicited help. She took a risk, perhaps wondering how I would react to her informing others of my despair. I’m grateful she loved me enough to solicit intervention!
Those friends and my wife demonstrated the riveting truth of Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” God’s incarnate love for us didn’t end when He sent His son in the flesh to die for our sins. He still incarnates His love through brothers and sisters in Christ.
So What?
For Those Who Intervene
Please: if you know someone so despondent that he or she has mentioned suicide, don’t hesitate. Intervene. If you aren’t comfortable dealing directly with the needy friend yourself, do what my wife did: send someone else who the hurting individual knows and respects.
Though you probably wouldn’t lose the friendship over it, it is better to lose the friendship than lose the friend who follows through and takes his own life. If you’re the person who’s compelled to come alongside a hurting friend, don’t fret over what you will say. Ask God for wisdom and remember that your presence will speak far louder than words. Nervousness over whether you will say the right words means you’re focusing on yourself and how you’re perceived, rather than on the person who needs your love.
For Those Who Are Depressed
No one can help bear your burden unless you self-reveal and tell them precisely what you are feeling and going through.
When hopelessness permeates your mind, it isn’t the time to be concerned about how others will perceive you spiritually. Whether you contact a friend or visit a counselor, give the other person the privilege of ministering to you. Tell him or her the unvarnished truth about what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling and how your despondency affects your work and relationships. That won’t happen unless you’re humble enough to share your pain.
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The value of authentic fellowship for spiritual growth is one of the themes in my latest book, Can You See the Cross from There? Grace and Grit for Sufferers and Sinners. Other themes include characteristics of personal revival, enduring in marriage, how God’s sovereignty comforts during affliction, and learning to preach God’s Word to ourselves when depressed, tempted, or when false beliefs vie for our attention.
You’ll profit from these 31 extended devotionals covering insights that have fueled my personal resiliency. Here’s a link to a sample chapter. Then you can use the link below the book cover to order it on Amazon..
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