As a Christ-follower, how do you feel when you raise your voice and speak harshly to your spouse or child?

How do you respond when you realize you’ve jumped to conclusions and incorrectly assigned a wrong motive to someone’s questionable actions?

What do you do when the Holy Spirit convicts you of criticizing someone to a third party, in effect lowering the person’s opinion of the individual you were bad-mouthing?

 

Two Parts To Confession

If you’re a sensitive Christian, you’ll experience the Spirit’s painful conviction and confess the sin to Him, perhaps asking Him for strength to resist repeating the transgression. But phase 2 of confession is more difficult. Do we offer a heartfelt apology to the person we hurt or wronged? Do we say “I’m sorry!”–and mean it? 

That’s more difficult because we figure the person who receives our apology will think less of us. Pride surfaces in our heart because we don’t want our reputation as a Christian to take a hit.

Years ago, after a chapel service at Columbia International University, over lunch with two of my students, I told them what I didn’t like about the speaker’s chapel message. He didn’t teach error, but he constantly waved his arms and spoke with an excessive amount of exuberance and with a giddy, loud voice. Enthusiasm is an attractive speaker trait, but I thought he overdid it, which took our attention off the content of his message.

Later that day, God’s Spirit convicted me. I had rationalized that I was using the chapel talk as a teaching tool for two guys who were in my class on teaching Bible. Yet when the Spirit told me I was exhibiting pride, that I was wrong, I felt lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut! The next day, I apologized to the students and explained why my criticism was inappropriate.

For a couple of weeks, I resisted a niggling impression that I wasn’t through with apologizing.

 

Delayed by Pride

I gulped, not wanting to admit to the speaker that I had slandered him. How would I look in his eyes? What if he responded to an apology by informing the administration of how I had slandered him? But due to the Lord’s convicting grace, I knew I had to do it. I obtained his address and wrote a heartfelt, detailed apology for besmirching his reputation in my conversation with students. He replied with a gracious note, thanking me for my honesty and insisting that he forgave me.

If you owe anyone an apology, don’t wait two weeks like I did to make it right. Pride almost kept me from obeying the Spirit’s conviction.

Now I’ll share a story that may prompt us to humble ourselves and compel us to confess to others without delay. This true incident illustrates an outrageously encouraging perspective on our failures.

 

Transparent Teacher

Larry Richards told the story of a Sunday School teacher of teen girls who argued vociferously with her husband during their drive to church. They didn’t have time to patch things up before her class began.

A few minutes into her lesson, Naomi paused, then put down her Bible and lesson notes and addressed the girls. “I’m sorry…I can’t continue with the lesson until I get my heart right. Jim and I argued on the way to church this morning. Both of us spoke harshly. It was my fault as much as his. I’ve got to pray for a moment, confessing this to the Lord. Then I want a couple of you to lead in prayer for me, too, that I’ll stay focused as I teach and that I’ll resolve my differences with Jim after church today.”

Naomi figured the incident would erode the girls’ respect for her. Ironically, it was her contrition in the class that day that had a lasting, positive impact. A few years later, several of her former class members were discussing Naomi’s influence. One of them brought up the Sunday that she had stopped her lesson and confessed the argument with her husband. Due to how she had handled it, they considered that day’s lesson the most formative one she had ever taught them.

Pause and think for a moment. What did she model for them that morning? Before you finish reading this post, identify ways in which she modeled strong faith.

 

A Memorable Apology and Confession

The last thing Naomi left like that Sunday was a positive example of vibrant Christian faith. Yet here’s what she modeled for them, without realizing it.

• The girls saw genuine humility in Naomi when she said “I’m sorry” for stopping the Bible lesson.
• She demonstrated how to handle sin. Her tender conscience before the Lord was apparent when she stopped the lesson to confess to Him. The girls learned the necessity of keeping short accounts with God.
• Naomi exhibited the importance of relying on the Body of Christ by asking the girls to pray for her, so she could teach the lesson well and follow-though with an apology to her husband.
• Naomi modeled for them a high view of teaching the Bible. She didn’t  want to teach it until her heart was right with the Lord. They learned the importance of preparing one’s heart for teaching, as well as one’s head through study.
• She taught them by example the necessity of an apology in handling conflict in marriage. (Naomi indeed followed through and said “I’m sorry” to Jim. He did the same.)

How ironic and hope-inspiring! It’s possible to serve as a positive role model even when we’re weak and sinful–if we’re willing to say “I’m sorry” to God and to others. Nothing leaves a more indelible impression than demonstrating a repentant heart and dependence on God.

 

The Power of Owning Up

Never underestimate the power of owning up, of saying “I‘m sorry. Will you forgive me for _________?”

I can’t guarantee that everyone to whom you apologize will respond like Naomi’s girls, or like the speaker who graciously forgave me. Yet your contrition might enhance your influence rather than hinder it.

A good friend of mine, who passed into Jesus’ presence recently, typically wept whenever he apologized to his wife. “Oh, Lord, give me that kind of tender heart when I need to apologize to You or to others I hurt.”

Today, does someone need to hear you say, “I’m sorry”?