“I don’t want your sympathy!”

That’s a common reply when a troubled or hurting person perceives that a would-be comforter exhibits a patronizing, condescending attitude. The unfortunate person believes the other person looks down on him.
He thinks the other person pities him, implying that he’s weak, unable to manage his life and its challenges. It’s a blow to the ego.

For most people, the term empathy carries a more favorable connotation. We view an empathetic person as a sensitive friend who seeks to understand what we’re going though. I interviewed a Christian leader who battles daily physical pain stemming from a horrific car crash as a young adult. When I asked how his personal pain enhanced his ministry to others, he was quick to say this: “I don’t have sympathy for others who hurt. No, because of my own pain, God has given me empathy instead.”

Though empathy is a positive term, sympathy, when properly understood, is as well. I want to rescue sympathy from its negative connotation. It’s high time we employ the term the way God uses it in His Word.

 

Sympathy Defined

Though both empathy and sympathy stem from the Greek language in which the New Testament was written, empathy isn’t in the New Testament, but sympathy is. And it’s employed favorably!

Through Peter, the Holy Spirit lists the noun form as a trait to cultivate: “All of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart and a humble mind” (1 Peter 3:8). The author of Hebrews
employed the verb form: “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).

Sympathy (sumpatheo) consists of two Greek words welded together. In our spelling, “sym” means with and “pathy” comes from “pathos,” meaning suffering or a strong emotion. Jesus “suffered with” us through His incarnation, experiencing the frailties and limitations of human flesh. He was “fully God” yet “fully man.” In the context of the verse in Hebrews, He has experienced “in every respect” the kind of temptations we face. That’s why, as He serves as our great high priest, He isn’t being condescending toward us or pitying us. He’s literally “suffering with” us because He experientially understands our pain and loves us passionately. Not only did He suffer in excruciating ways for us on the cross; the present tense in verse 15 suggests that to some degree, even now, He has a “fellow feeling” in relation to our suffering. He feels our pain, which prompts Him to help us and to sustain us.

 

Sympathy Illustrated

Sympathy is a demonstration of love that at times, I desperately need to receive as well as to give.

Recently, in the throes of an excruciating battle with depression, I texted Howard, a close friend. “I’ve had lots of rough days with despondency,” I told him, “but this is among the worst. There’s no motivation within me for any tasks. Hopelessness envelops me. Right now, I feel like nothing matters and things will never get any better. I don’t want to live.” Then I added, “But I’m not suicidal. No need to rush over here and sit with me. No, I won’t die tonight. I couldn’t possibly get that lucky!”

Within a minute my phone rang. Howard told me he loved me and began praying for me, for the peace of God’s Spirit to invade my mind, for His contentment to permeate my heart. His prayer took longer than it should have, because he kept pausing to cry aloud. He interspersed his words with tears. Howard literally felt a degree of my pain. He didn’t merely feel sorry for me or pity me. He “suffered with” me. Because Howard sympathized with me, my spirit began to lift. After his call, the dark cloud of hopelessness began to dissipate. My perspective on life shifted and I looked forward to the next day.

Jesus described the Holy Spirit as our “Helper” (John 14:16) who comes alongside believers to sustain and to comfort. The Spirit often employs sympathizers like Howard as His agents.

 

Application of Sympathy

Hebrews 4:16 offers a direct application of Jesus’ sympathy toward us. Whether we’re facing an exceptionally strong temptation to sin, the heartbreak of losing a loved one or a worse-than-usual depressive episode, He invites us to approach Him with our need. After saying that Jesus sympathizes with us, the text says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

I’d be less inclined to ask Jesus for help when tempted if He had never faced it (Matthew 4:1-11). I probably wouldn’t cry out to Jesus about sorrow or distress or feelings of forsakenness from God if He hadn’t experienced it (Mark 14:32-36; 15:34). I might not talk to Him as often about my physical pain if He hadn’t gone though unimaginable bodily pain on the cross. And as I explained from Hebrews 4:15, He not only suffered for me; He still suffers with me!

How grateful I am for a Savior who hurts when I do. I run to Him when I’m needy because He understands and has the power to mitigate my suffering.

When it comes to a ministry of encouragement to others who suffer, I pose these questions to myself: Dare I ask the Lord to enable me to exercise sympathy toward hurting people? Am I willing to feel some of the deep sorrow that plagues them? 

I must not make such a request glibly. But if I do and the Lord instills genuine sympathy within me, my ministry to others will bear more fruit.

Yet there’s a cost involved. A price Jesus, as well as Howard, paid.

Pain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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