Two Perspectives on Depression: One Bleak, One Reassuring

 

The Misery of Melancholy

Recently I reflected on the persistence of depression symptoms I’ve experienced over the years.

How many times has a dark, thick fog of depression enveloped me, blinding me to an accurate perspective on relationships and circumstances?

How many times have I muttered or thought, “I want to die!“?

How many times has self-loathing caused me to speak harshly to myself when I look into a mirror?

How many times have I growled at myself, “You can’t do anything right!”?

How many times have I slogged through a day with a slow gait, as if I were trudging through a swamp?

How many times have I heard a local pastor end his 60-second devotional on a local sports radio channel with these words: “Life matters–and so do you!”? Then how many times have I yelled this rejoinder at the radio: “No! Nothing matters!”

How many times has joy-sapping anxiety tormented me, generating excessive worry over minor stressors or whipping up fear over negative outcomes that never happen?

How many times has despondency siphoned off my capacity to feel, resulting in emotional numbness that makes me think I’m a robot going through mechanical motions instead of a flesh-and-blood human being?

Conversely, how many times has a searing pain sliced through my heart, causing me to weep off and on at the least provocation? (And how many times have I wondered which is worse: the aching heart or the nonfeeling heart?)

How many times has a deep-rooted foreboding, an unexplainable sense of angst and despair not linked to a circumstance, worsened with the setting sun?

How many times have I asked God to remove my depression once and for all, yet He remained silent?

How many times have I perceived  myself as worthless or insignificant, making little positive difference in anyone’s life?

How many times has despair siphoned off motivation for tasks or ministry projects that typically stimulate me?

How many times have I said to myself, “Who in the world are you to write a blog on depression and faith, or give a public testimony on how faith sustains you during depression? Your depression episodes are as  frequent and severe as ever!”

How many times has restlessness goaded me on days off, a lack of inward peace that nags me because I’m not accomplishing anything?

How many times? I can’t count that high.

 

Glimpses of God’s Grace

The Lord interrupted my litany of complaints concerning symptoms of depression. I heard His inside whisper, offering a different perspective. Here’s what He said.

Terry, how many times, when you’ve poured out your heart to Me, have I sustained you during a depressive episode by shortening its stay or softening its symptoms?

How many times did I enable you to teach a class with passion, despite starting the day wanting to die?

How many times did you demonstrate strength for ministry tasks that could only be explained by this: “God did it!”?

How many times did My Spirit remind you of a Bible promise that buoyed your flagging spirit? (Such as these five, to name a few.)

• Psalm 50:15  “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me.”
• Lamentations 3:22-25  “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul; ‘Therefore, I have hope in Him.‘ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”
• Matthew 11:28-30  “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”
• Philippians 2:13  “It is God who is at work within you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”
• Revelation 21:4  “He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying or pain.”

How many times, when you didn’t feel My presence, did My Spirit remind you that My Word that insists I am with you is far more reliable than how you feel? (See Isaiah 41:10 and Hebrews 13:5-6.)

How many times, when you were discouraged, did I prompt someone to write a letter or email explaining how your blog, podcast interview or book about My grace in your depression instilled hope within them?

How many times were you forced to rely on My strength due to your temperamental weakness?  You wouldn’t have clung to Me so closely if it hadn’t been necessary for your survival.

How many times did I send others in the body of Christ to come alongside and pray for you, their tears displaying their love for you and embodying My love for you as well?

How many times have I conveyed to you that I am sovereign, and when it comes to your propensity for despondency, I know what I’m about? That I can receive more glory by redeeming your pain that I can by removing it?

How many times did your desperate dependence on Me, prompted by your weakness, protect you from the encroachment of pride or flagrant sin?

More times than you realize, Terry!

 

Psalm 54:4 

It isn’t just another verse. I’ve learned its truth the hard way. “Behold, God is my Helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.”